‘I gave his mother the money for his abortion, now look at him and see what I got.’
These were the words of Ae’s father when we drove to our Mother Mary Home for teenagers in Northeastern Thailand. These words still resound in my ears, disturb me and challenge me. Over the following months I got to know this 14 year old boy a bit better. His mother died of AIDS soon after she gave birth to Ae. He then lived with his father, who later sent him to a children’s home. After four years they sent him back to his father because of his behaviour. The father couldn’t handle his son and so he ended up in our home.
Ae is a creative boy. He likes drawing and doing handicrafts. He’s not even afraid of arranging wires and batteries to all kind of settings. It’s his brain that sometimes shoots uncontrollable signals and he has really bad seizures. It happens to him in the garden, in the church and in the car. Just as he has times of not being not able to control his body, he also has times that he can’t control his emotions. He has times when he is full of anger, when he runs away or takes a knife from the kitchen to challenge others. It’s bloody tough to get to a point of accepting him and loving him when he has these uncontrollable moments. Love and mercy looks deeper. Yes, for sure! These words are easily said, yet they have to be put into practice.
If I reflect on God’s love and mercy, this is what I want Ae to experience. I wish he could have this experience of being accepted with all his uncontrollable moments and that he, little by little, may be able to take control over his emotions.
In this Lenten season I do not think about fasting. This years’ Lenten program is not about a less of …, but rather about a more of … The words in Luke’s Gospel give me the direction: ‘Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.’ And there are more people than only Ae with whom to practice the skills of being merciful. And sometimes we may even be more merciful with ourselves. I trust this will bring us closer to God, and that is what Lent is meant for.
PHOTO: Ae blows out the candles on his first ever birthday cake.